how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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