I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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