I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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