Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
