I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
