I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
