I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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