Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
