My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
