please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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