Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
