Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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