i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
