im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
