Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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