I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
