No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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