You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
