I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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