Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
