I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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