We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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