All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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