the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
