You're my little dorito
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
