guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
