The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
