i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
