who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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