it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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