um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
