got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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