Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
