did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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