so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
