I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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