he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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