well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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