he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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