Pappa wants mamma naked
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
