Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
