So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
