Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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