I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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