Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dicks are not precious.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
