Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
