so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
