I hate your face
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
