I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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