Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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