I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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