So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
